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My heart broke today

She died on Saturday night. September 25th, 2010. I couldn't sit in the room with my aunt and brother while she struggled to continue to breathe. She was gone a week ago, but kept breathing. It was a comfort to know she could probably hear me and took all I was telling her in, no comments but it comforted me. But, by 6:30ish she stopped breathing, and I knew my only real cheerleader in life, gave me confidence, independence, trust, and life no longer lived on this earth. They took her tumor riddled little body on a stretcher to the funeral home. We think her "celebration of life" ceremony in Arizona will be held on Saturday. The one in California should be Oct. 9th or 10th then we'll go out to sea and throw her ashes into her beloved southern California ocean, just like her mother.

I picked out a slew of pictures for a slide show of her life from a baby to adult and in between. Pictures of me, and bros Geoff and Alan in there as well. There's one of Alan as a newborn, Dad looks all 70s with his tight pants and moustache and Mom looks beyond hagard...I just looked at it and thought, wow, the only one alive in that picture is Dad. Picking out songs for the slide show is actually hard. We want songs that aren't so depressing but ones she would like.
So far we have:

What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong (Geoff danced with her to this song at his wedding)

In My Life by the Beatles

Seasons of Love from RENT

Let it Be from Across the Universe

dunno really what else...I'm tired. Got a long drive back to Cali from AZ. It feels strange in this home without her in it. I love you mom, always did and always will.

Mercy Mercy Me

I realize now, well, for a while that my obsession with "rock and only rock" notion of music was retarded. Aside from what I can't actually get into, contemporary Country, I can appreciate and love all kinds of music. Finally, I let go of my pretentions...I like blues country, but can't get into contemp. country, I just don't dig it...

Anyway, music. I mean VH1 gave its 100 top greatest artists of all time and I can get behind it, I get their choices, its a good choice. But, who says more hip hop, rap, country and classical can't be let into their list? Beatles #1 like always? I get it, but being a huge fan of an amazing band...maybe they're over rated? Is that possible? MJ was #2 I should just let go and say wooo...and I did when I saw MJ at #2 greatest artist of all time...but this is VH1. They left out Janet Jackson, Queen Latifah, Jackie Wilson, Etta James, The Temptations, and all Classical and Jazz artists, why am I carrying?

So, on that note I want to go to Disneyland for my birthday. It always makes me happy, damn Disneyland makes me smile. No matter how I portray it, devilish and all that shit, I love it and can't help it. And, Captain EO might be on, oh hell please Disney god, make sure your on when I get there, if I get there.

I miss my Mom. I go to Arizona every weekend. She is out of it most of the time, but sometimes and those are the times I cherish, she's semi-lucid. I can kiss her on the forehead and she smiles. I say I love her and she says she loves me back. Those times when I kiss on her forehead her and she knows it, those are the times I live for. Fucking hell if I can be selfish for as long as I can than I will because I want to have those moments of lucid among all those strange out of left field, dillusional, where I'm "killing her" moments, scary what the fuck is happening moments, just to have my mom for a minute I will take shit. I clean her shit, take her scary, sit there and wonder whats going to happen next as long as she smiles and says I love you those rare occasions; I live for those 'I love you' moments; she's my mom what else should I want? I hug her as much as I can, because these are my only times. I live 7 hours away by car I see her on weekends, so with my limited time I will milk it. Fucking hell this sucks.

I guess last post before New Year

Christmas was good. I got some good stuff, including a good amount of MJ stuff. My sister-in-law said this Christmas was for me like the one when she was young where she got a bunch of New Kids on The Block stuff...though I had that same Christmas. I got an MJ calandar, comic book, pop-out book, sweatshirt and a nearly 700 page book. Plus, a beautiful afghan my mom knitted for me, some gift cirtificates, Lady Gaga, and cooking stuff.

I saw 'Nine', which was good. A bit long, but Kate Hudson's musical number was ridiculously awesome, Hollywood decadence and spunk is always fun to watch. And Furgie's number was a-may-zing to watch. Though the makeup design of the move was crap the costume design was awesome. I saw 'The Blindside' which was good, uplifting in a good way. And 'Sherlock Holmes' was good, mainly because of RDJ and Jude Law without which it would have sucked.

What is kind of disconcerting about the 700 page MJ book written by J. Randy Teraborelli called "Michael Jackson: The Madness and the Magic" is that its doing a number on my point of view of him. Not that I don't still love the man, hail him as a genius performer and artist, but his personal life is, well, odd. I've always known he was odd. I mean I'd stopped looking at tabloids because it bothered me and only wanted focus on his music. His music of course I focused on were mainly 'Off The Wall', 'Thriller', 'Bad', and a bit of 'Dangerous', paying little attention of anything else, how can one ignore the genius of those albums. Though I won't admit to his consequential CDs as failures because the man knew a good beat and melody when he created it, even if his lyrics were lacking. But, he was a drama queen, and liked to sleep in the same bed as young boys. Ugh, I have no evidence and no one else does either that he did anything inappropriate with boys but come on why would anyone sleep in the same bed with young boys when they are not their father? And he bleached his skin, though without the vitaligo he wouldn't be as white as he was...But, why hate being so dark? Its a psychology I as a white person can never know, though as a pasty pale white girl I hate being so white and wish I were darker anyway. Whatever, my psychology is whack anyway. He did always keep his black background never losing his obvious love of James Brown, Jackie Wilson and Diana Ross. If one hated being black he'd surround himself him white people no? Or did he want the priviledge of being black without the apparent problem with being the color black in a white dominated world? He was black though, always felt it even if he wasn't the color. He also apparently was a dick as a husband other than being really fucking good in bed, and that's only half the problem. Not willing to open up to your wife is a problem, a really big ass problem. After being so rich and overly priviledged as a damn fine performer garnering millions of devoted fans as an 11 year old and not really losing his edge cementing it by the age of 24 with Motown 25, he'd gotten to the point where he could do anything he damn well pleased. He created a world around him that thrived on escapism so much that not even his own kids at such a young could pull him away from drugs. He's a tragic figure in which I don't think he could have figured out, he needed a real psychologist to talk to, but he felt better than that unfortunately. But, whatever I still love him.

And one thing that's fucking unforgivable in Michael Jackson is something that I do. When I'm done with someone or don't feel the need to do anything about I ignore them and pretend I never knew them. Its a shitty thing, and apparently I'm not the only one that does that. I can turn on a friend and never contact them. I think It's a product of not trusting anyone. When you trust no one, losing that person as a friend whether you did it or not, means nothing to you. It's cold but its a product of not trusting people. I trust no one but my mom and brother and though I trust my dad its hard, and he's my fucking dad man imagine what its like for normal people? I've tried to change this shitty thing I do, but I can't or maybe I don't want to. Its easy to see shit in the world and I live my life on hope, not trust. I love my friends, but unfortunately, I do not trust them. Trust is hard it takes a lot to gain it. I want to trust and many times I feel I do, but if that person disappoints me I feel its normal. When I read it in Taraborelli's book of MJ, reading it made me annoyed at MJ, but its like reading a heightened reality of myself...not a good thing. At least he had a reason to not trust in people, he was famous, all I have is a divorce of my parents when I was 4. Human beings can suck sometimes...though I'll be Anne Frank and believe that everyone is capable of good.

Plus, besides Obama being a good president he has abandoned the public option, which pissing me off. I always felt like Obama should have allowed a single-payer option to be on the table so that a public option would be light...but, boo.

Ring in another fucking failure of year why don't you, yee fucking haw.

'Its the Things I do for you'

Still obsessed with MJ, guess I can't help it. When a genius dies, someone whose music has always made me happy, videos too, it'll effect me. Though, I don't know if anyone will affect me the way MJ did. I guess only a few celebrities whom I never met and never will, death can affect me. I've become more aware of his music, CDs I never even knew existed, such as his work with the Jacksons, which is a piece of info I actually didn't even know. I'm discovering all those things he did prior to Off The Wall because it didn't matter how old he was, he was always a genius. Needless to say, I've seen "This Is It" and I've seen it 3 times. It's stupidely good, MJ is cute, charismatic, bright, focused and just all around amazing to watch. Youtube has countless videos, interviews, the Jacksons Variety show, and performances with MJ and I've seen them all and love them, almost. I've never loved his victim mentality, he may be lonely and targeted by the media for his excentricities, but full on victim he was not. He was tortured, but I won't fully accept victim, I won't. Watching his performances, from 12 to 43 he was on fire on stage, such a brilliant sight to see. And his views on the world no matter what age, always remain the same, he believed in love...universal I think, but very potent.

I've been so sick of school that I really haven't done the work I should be doing. I thought I could take a previously written paper and pawn if off as new, but my prof sort of shot that down, the idea my previous paper took. He said he wanted more original rather than rote analysis, and I was forced to forge a new concept. Which, of course will take me more time to formulate and produce, and since I'm sick of school I haven't done a damn thing. I have 5 pages of 20 and no will to do more. I mean its interesting, and when I read the facts I need I'm fasciniated, but it doesn't mean I write to put in on paper. Its shit running for pres. especially when your the VP, but do I really want to analyze it, um...no, done, next. I mean I don't want to drop out of school, I just don't want to finish it.

Financial aid shouldn't get to me 'til Nov. 19th, 3 weeks after is was promised and 6 weeks after school started. Fuckers.

I want to see Precious and I know its pathetic, but New Moon...I revert to a 16 year old with Twilight, but I can't help it.

My new favourite decade is the 70s, from the 60s. Chalk that up to MJ.

After hearing the song 1999 so many times during the year 1999, I hated Prince. Nice of me to judge someone on one song, like judging MJ on the song 'The Girl is Mine' or 'Girlfrind'. But, I saw a performance Prince did of While my Guitar Gently Weeps, a great George Harrison song, and he made it beyond cool and way brilliant, I thought I'd give him a second change. Now, I only have Purple Rain, which aside from a few songs, is way the hell too 80s and I hate the 80s sound, I think its the music machines. But, he started in 1978 coincidentaly the same year MJ with is brothers garnered complete control of their music, and damn if Destiny isn't an amazing album, which is prior to the music machine crap that enveloped the 80s, so Prince might actually make me smile wide. And he's a music legend thats actually still alive. Stevie Wonder is another legend still alive I can see in concert, if I decide to pay an obsene amount of money to see these people that is. Thats why I haven't seen big concerts, way the crap too expensive, mofos.

It's interesting, this guy at work informed me that despite not actually knowing Micheal Jackson himself, that MJ hated being black and thats just unforgivable...and all I thought about was I hate being white. Black people bring culture to America I thought, MJ refused to let go of his roots despite his color change (which I believe was because he had vitiligo and was too freaked out by it to admit it) and whether or not one wants to believe he hated being black, he never stopped being black. He was a strange cat, very strange, but I love him and will always kick myself in the shin for not demanding to see him in concert, I failed. But, like all the other great artists I was too young to see or not even alive, I have the beauty of film to show me what I failed or just plain missed. We are a conformist society though we'll never admit it, and that's just kind of annoying.

Which reminds me, Obama is not liberal enough for me. Healthcare passed Congress, but is yet to be voted on my the Senate, and it better pass with the public option in tact, no really, it better not be more compromised. We're still in Iraq and Afghanistan and there is no need to be, especially Iraq. Afghanistan was something to ponder for a bit, but ponderance over lets get out. No need to waste soldiers lives for a war with no win, despite what conservatives may think. Democrats are a spending party, nothing new there, and Keynes is our economic man...bye bye defunct Friedman.


Top 5 favorite songs, currently always changing:

1. Stand By Me by Ben E. King
2. Dance to the Music by Sly and the Family Stone
3. Thriller by Michael Jackson
4. I Want You (She's so Heavy) by the Beatles
5. Red House by Jimi Hendrix

Rolling Stone put the Beatles Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band as number 1 of all greatest albums...I disagree, great way to start of list of 500 huh. Abbey Road is way better, its all based on aesthetics I think. Who can put an actual currency on taste, a number on like, a judgement on feeling. Changes with each new person.

Top 5 favorite Movies, currently:
1. Almost Famous
2. Godfather I
3. Godfather II
4. Ed Wood
5. Sunset Blvd.
Though 'This Is It' is now in the top 10. MJ's Thriller is my favourite music video, but then again, how many people can say it isn't the best music video out there.

POKER

OK,My poker skills are still lacking, but I'm still having a good time.

I played a huge tournament yesterday yielding a healthy .31 cents, lol, top prize was $331. But get this 23,375 players were in the tournament. I ended up placing 1,724th because I'm far too tight a player. I really only end up playing good hands unless I'm on the tall stack then I'll call and bet too much which never gets me much money. I went all in in the end, had too I had barely any chips with my pocket 7s to the callers AQ, of which he turned a straight.

Today I played a dollar tournament which ended up having 10,970 people I placed 1,983rd. Top prize was 1,300 some odd dollars which would have been sweet to win. But, I did some stupid calls which put me in dire straights and ended up having to go all in with A 6 suited. I flopped a flush draw, but ended up losing the hand in the end.

I'm not a huge fan of large tournaments, I more like the smaller sit and gos, with 9 players up to 27. I haven't played in anything that has cost me more than $1.25 so far. When I get a better job I might put more money into the account.

I also saw (500) Days of Summer the other day. 'Its not a love story, its a story of love.' And I gotta say, it was really sweet, really good and highlights a part of LA that I don't really get down to. Downtown is pretty in most places and is really trying to grow back into a great part of the city to live. I mean its a good chunk of gentrification, but it happens. The movie though was just all around good. And the camera loved Joseph Gordon Levitt, whom I've dug since his stunt on 3rd Rock From the Sun.

You Rock My World

It sucks that Michael Jackson died. I've been listening to all the music of his I own, which lets me honest here, isn't that much. And like a dope, at some point I will end up buying every other song I don't have.

I have so many memories of Michael's songs in my life. Captain EO at Disneyland might be the most vivid. I think Disneyland should have brought it back for a bit, take away Honey I shrunk the Audience out and Captain EO back, I mean I lurved that show. The world's in trouble and Michael like all his videos comes and saves the world by dancing. Plus, Angelica Housten was in it and Francis Ford Coppola directed it. They took this away from Disneyland right after if first child molestation case, which he was acquited, back in the mid 90s when I was in 7th grade. That and Thriller, my fav MJ song.

FOX News hit its lowest point on the day of Michael's funeral. They allowed the Repubs comments about Michael being a pedaphile to be valid then had a big 'ole discussion about his alleged and acquitted trials of indecent conduct and then called him selfish. It was utterly confusing and disgusting. And yet I still watch FOX. The funeral was really good, very fitting and well done. Brooke Shield's comments were I think the most appropriate.

Anyway, I've been watching more poker lately. I've always had an interest since watching Rounders and watched it for awhile, but more now. I even joined two online poker sites. I don't play with real money often due to the fact that I don't have much of it and well, as of now my poker skills are lacking a bit. But, well, it would be cool if I could be a professional poker player. I've been playing some very small tournaments called sit and gos, and only cashed out a sad little $1.80, winning $.20. I'm in a larger one on the 18th, something like 2000 people are in it right now. Top prize is a good chunk of money. Anyway, its kind of fun, even if I don't actually win. It takes practice, the only thing is the people I'm playing with because its so small ball aren't very good either, makes it a bit harder to really get good.

I went to Arizona this past week, hotter than hell. Really, its like opening up an oven and taking a squat in front of it. Its ridiculous. If not for AC the area would be barren.

With AZ come movies so heres some movies I saw.

Tetro: Well I saw this before AZ, but it was really good. Coppola's new movie. Its black and white and takes place in Argentina, uber indie. It was like poetry on screen, the music was brilliant.

The Hangover: I've never laughed this hard in a movie. Makes me want to go to Vegas too.

The Proposal: If not for Ryan Reynolds who is pure sex, guh he's beautiful, this would be overly silly. But, he's good and really makes the movie good.

Away We Go: I thought since its written in part by Dave Eggers and directed by Sam Mendes it would be great. And my mom liked it, but I didn't. I thought it was presumptuous and way too unrealistic, most of the time. I liked the premise, a couple decides to move away and go from city to city where they know people and try to figure out where to live. Each group of people they come to visit carries a different story, but most of them were blech. Oh well.

Public Enemies: I liked it. Depp was awesome.

Whatever Works: Woody Allen's justification for his own life. I felt lectured to half the time and rolled my eyes many times. I just didn't like it, though I did enjoy watching it, go figure.

I want to see Bruno and Harry Potter like whoa, especially Harry Potter.

I can't wait for Cheney and Bush to go through criminal investigations.

I hope Repubs don't go too haywire against Sotomeyer during her confirmation hearings.

And I need to start studying for my comps, that and start reading for my paper. I think I will end up writing about the Christian Right and their role in the Republican Party and in general politics. I don't know yet if I'll write on ideology for public interest, we'll see.

I need a job.

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A Noise Within

I saw The Rehearsal at A Noise Within in Glendale. It was completely and utterly fantastic. Not one thing was wrong in the entire production. The acting, especially by the two male leads was jaw droppingly good. Watching them made me believe I was actually watching real people and not characters on a stage, which is a very very good thing.

The play is written and the stage design displays the idea that people, when frivolous miss out on the deeper meanings of life and ultimately love. And when one innocent, simple notion of genuine love comes and penetrates the facade it can tear a life apart. It's like focusing on a picture and believing the idea that it really is multi-dimensional only to remember that its a flat canvas. When the realization comes, to magic you once felt is gone and though you enjoyed the facade, you can move on knowing better. You can always go back to believing in that which was never real, but you're no longer blind to it. It was clever, funny, emotional, raw, frivolous and of course satirical.

Its set in France 1950s. A couple and their lovers are to have a huge 18th c. ball in their manor with entertainment. They all wear 18th c. clothes throughout the show, which is confusing quite often, which makes it even more multi-dimensional. They rehearse for the show they will eventually perform at the ball. One person that has quite a huge part is the goddaughter of the "Count's" lawyer. She's pure, innocent and genuine, something the rest of the people lack. The Count falls in love with her, at first as a game, he hates to be resisted by women, but then it is real. He sees love, her, life beyond his made of world of friviolity and after realizing it too, so does the young girl. Unfortuntely, the Count had ruined his best friends life by talking him out of marrying his true love. Something of which his friend has failed to fully forget. Since he broke up with his only true love he became a sex crazed drunk, seeking to break anyone's happiness. Because of this, he's focused on finding a way to repay his so-called best friend and somehow break any genuine happiness, and until the young girl came into the picture, it was futile, but of course the young girl came in and all hell broke lose.

It was also the first time I've gone to a stage production without wishing I could be on the stage, or involved. I love the theater dearly, but the stage bug that I thought would never leave me, has and I'm quite fine with that. I can now watch theater without having that twinge of jealousy I used to have for every actress with a good role. Well, maybe.

Tags:

In my old hometown

I've heard a few one liners from the White House Correspondence Dinner on Sat. and thought it was funny. I should just youtube it, but meh. I liked how Jon Stewart looked at the jokes Wanda Sykes said about Rush Limbaugh. If conservatives are all about torture, including the ludicrous water-bording, then why are they such in a twitch about her jokes. I mean, dude, Rush Limbaugh is a horrible man, mean man, and a pooh face, yup I said it, a pooh face. Her jokes were funny. Though I'm not sure anyone can touch Steven Colbert, I've only ever heard him on these dinners, but he was ha-larious.

Listening to radio sometimes gives one all sorts of stuff to ponder about, marinade upon, what have you. My favorite radio program is on Pacifica Radio, KPFK, on Sunday afternoons called Background Briefing/Live from the Left Coast with an Aussie called Ian Masters. He usually deals with foreign policy and how our leaders and military are dealing with various global situations. It puts things in perspective, gives me a real idea about what is actually going on in the world. Its left, yes, but then again so am I. Its a two hour show, but I only end up listening to the last 30mins or so, I really should just podcast it. Also, I like The Insiters, Beneath the Surface and Gustavo Arellano's show, on KPFK. They also play really good music, like every time music plays on the station.

I also, and this is weird, like listening to Michael Medvet, not because I agree with him, in the least, but because he displays quite well the conservative viewpoint. I listen to conservative radio quite often. I don't think there is a way not to be bias and neither conservative nor liberal radio should put out anything other then their perspectives. I mean Medvet is a very religiously and politically conservative Jew, meaning not only is he ideologically conservative, but Israel is very present in his views of the Middle East as well as torture and all foreign policy. You know, Israel right or wrong. I hate these points of view, he's also USA right or wrong. I don't know why I have a fascination of the conservative viewpoint, but I do. I think its because it affirms how I feel, the opposite. Maybe I needed affirmation of my liberalness after listening to KPFK, they are so much more liberal than I am. But, unlike Limabaugh or even Hannity who sensationalize Democrats and liberals, Medvet mainly gives accurate portrayals of Democrats, not ultra-liberals, but Democrats and then relates it to his conservative view. Its a very different philosophy from liberal viewpoint. Other conservatives on this radio station, KRLA, are annoying and overly blantant, but Medvet is interesting. I do end up yelling at my radio sometimes. But, I think if I didn't get frustrated in the conservative ideology I need a slap in the face because I have no intention of giving into their fear of government, public, gay, free choice and their pro-war world view.

My point in discussing talk radio was that today I was listening Bibliocracy, a show where authors and books are reviewed and discussed. (never actually had heard this particular show before) I've been reading non-fiction so much and have so much non-fiction to read once school lets out for the summer that fiction was irrelavant to me, much less new fiction. I have tons of fiction in my room, of most I have not read. And yes one day I'll get to The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, but right now I'm not interested. I want to read a book called The Poet of Baghdad. But, most of my books have been surrounding me for so long, I have no urge to read them, ironic eh?

But...on this show they discussed an author of course I'd never heard of called J Robert Lennon. http://www.jrobertlennon.com/ They discussed his fairly new book called Castle. He read a bit from it, and it sounded really interesting, I totally want to read his books now. I went to his website and of course he's got a blog, why wouldn't a writer have a blog. I'm always so jealous of writers, how they can twist a word or sentence in such a way that just wow. Russell Brand does it quite well in his memoir, James Ellroy can't not write a great sentence, and so too does Lennon, of what I heard. Anyway, even his blog was interesting so...: http://wardsix.blogspot.com/ I'd go out and buy it tomorrow, but I still have 20 more pages to write for class, and really am lost about it, overall.

You know I love LA, I do, but I have this feeling that if I don't move somewhere else I'll be stuck in a city I love with no future. I don't want to move to DC anymore. NYC seems interesting, but could present the same problem as LA, I'll love it, but will it give me anything more. I mean DC probably should be my destination. I'm half thinking of moving to Arizona to be close to my mom, but its Arizona, blech. Maybe I should just pick up and move to Souix City, Iowa, lol that'll be random. I really want to be in London.

This Thursday my dad and I are seeing a play called The Rehearsal by Jean Anouilh done by a theatre company called A Noise Within. I saw two plays by the company years ago while in community college and they were excellent so I talked my dad into seeing a show with me, paying for it really. I had to wait until I could find the tix at half price, but I think it'll be good. Backstage.com found it engaging, and satirical, which is what I wanted so good. Lets hope it really is interesting. I haven't seen a live state show in years, how sad for someone with a degree in Drama. I let my Political Science degree do all the talking. Theatre is just too expensive most the time. *humph*

----
Ok I saw the Obama's jokes on White House Correspondence dinner...he's funny. He's got a good writer, thats for sure.

Tags:

I dreamed a dream

Oh wow 7 weeks I haven't updated. Whoa.

So I joined Twitter and honestly, maybe because I just joined it, but I don't get it. Maybe I'll feel differently another time, but I'm not only computer all day nor do I have a mobile device to use. And I don't need another online thing to do, I procrastinate far too much as it is.

Like most of the known world, I too love Susan Boyle singer extrodinaire. I don't know, she's inspirational. I mean she embodies the 'losers' of the world. The people we dismiss because they don't fit our view of great. Yet, she was, is and that feeling like everyone is against you maybe that doesn't have to be. We do put too much stock in looks or whatever we think is right. With her so many people saw pieces of themselves, pumps up our self-esteem. From ordinary comes extrodinary. From frumpy comes beautiful. And its not crazy to dream. I think.

I've been feeling nervous, like butterflies in the tummy like something important is coming up. Only, there's no justification for it. I think it must be my class this quarter, because there's no other explanation. Maybe that I need money and am in desperate need to a better job? The job market sucks I don't get why a one-quarter-to-go almost Masters person can't find a job.

I need 175 sources for my paper this quarter. So trumped up. I'm writing about Iran and its nuclear wants. I of course won't be able to read all the sources, but it doesn't stop me from trying to get a clear reading on the different sources, which does take time. I got like what, two weeks to do it? It sucks the big one. I have been reading 'Trouble in the Water' by Patrick Tyler which discusses US foreign policy in the Middle East and its a fascinating read. It goes from Eisenhower to Bush Jr., right now I'm on Reagan. We totally dropped the ball in that region from president to president. So far I'd say Eisenhower and Carter have been the best, but while Carter was trying to help Israel and Egypt come to peace, Iran did fall from our graces...so...anyway, good read. Reagan totally screwed up Lebanon didn't he.

I haven't read fiction in months.

I got a new camera. I'm hoping to take some pictures of LA, go around shooting, it'll be nice.

Russell Brand is coming to sign his book May 1st at the Grove. I'm so excited. It'll be so awesome to see him, *sigh*

I've been listening to conservative radio and it keeps coming up, religion. I resent, more than anything else discussed about religion, the notion that Christians are conservative. I don't like it, I find it offensive and arrogant. To believe in God and believe Jesus is the savior does not take ideology. To quote the Bible as literal word of God is not universally Christian, so stop doing it. Stop presuming all Christians are conservative, some are, some aren't. And thats my piece on that.

Also, those tea party's were, well, different. Fox News promoting the tea party as grassroots was, well ridiculous. But, once again its ideology.

I find it rather odd the way conservatives think. And I know its ideology, but it makes no sense to me. And that, I think, is why I'm so obsessed with conservative radio and tv because I'm hearing people that I don't just disagree with, but whom carry a belief that is foreign to me. Living as a community of individuals is socialism to conservatives. Living for oneself alone, is unrealistic to me. But that I guess is far too simplistic. Maybe that's what I should do for my research paper, conservative ideology vs. liberal ideology.

Besides the not prosecuting Bush and co. for war crimes and crimes against humanity and out right lying to the American public, I think Obama's doing a splendid job as President. Hillary is doing a fantastic job as Secretary of State, though I knew she would.

Rock me Amadeus

I have all these plans. But, it doesn't seem like any will actually make it to reality. I got some design ideas, went to the fashion district downtown and went to IKEA, but still dunno. I applied for two jobs I know I would rock in and it hasn't panned out. I know I should know spanish, but damnit, I didn't, so why should this put me in a situation where I make a salary below the poverty line. I'm looking foward to the 435 dollars I'll get back from taxes. My life sucks.

I need to clean my room, redecorate my room, re whatever my room and ultimately make more money. President Obama make my world makes sense.

The Dark Knight's the Joker isn't an imaginary character. And that in itself is scary.

Each culture is different, that we must never forget nor underestimate.

I cannot be anything but white. Malcolm X was wrong,but he wasn't blind. Post-race America doesn't exist yet and Newt Gingrich is a moron.

I have not been hired yet for the job I want, though I have applied.

I wonder if I'm living in the wrong city, only other city should be DC.

I don't understand the love of the Kennedy's, I don't know if I'll ever get it.

I hope the economic stimulus package will work, and I want some money out of it...though I'm a year too late on some.

I get it,China was always there before anyone else... they never did anything about it, but they were always there. I give to Columbus b/c he told the world, but he wasn't first, I get it.

I need money.